We have a NEW MAN in the family...

Interesting that the last blog, a log time ago, had Joey just starting his Bar Mitzvah tutoring and here he is on THE DAY!

It was last weekend, on Saturday October 18th, 6 days after Joey had actually turned 13. It was a wonderful and memorable day... and hopefully a good time was had by all. It was VERY stressful (for me) leading up to it. We had a rehearsal of the Shabbat service on Thursday afternoon with Joey and the Rabbi and Colin and I. It was great! I had tears... I was so proud of Joey.... all his hard work!

On Friday, Colin was off with me. We ran around and did errands - we set up the Candy Table (and that has a story, let me tell you... later!) and the place card table, did last minute stuff then rushed home to meet Colin's parents and aunts and uncles.


I had made a matted collage of pictures that people would be able to sign. I picked my favourites and Joey picked his favourites from those... got them printed and realized I couldn't make a collage that big! Sat and carefully constructed what I could. Impressed Colin - he said he thought I would never be able to do that! Pictuire to follow after...

The best of the excess pictures I put in frames and then on to the place card table. No last names - very friendly ... turned out we had no name duplication!

Friday night we went to dinner with Colin's relatives. It was really nice to visit with them... we don't see them enough! While at dinner, Joey seemed to wilt before our eyes... he got more and more tired and he started running a fever! Boor boy! We gave him a advil as soon as we got home. We were so concerned about how this was going to happen with Joey being ill... Put him straight to bed as soon as we got home.

My mom called during dinner.. we chatted ... I told her that Colin's parents were going to be present in the morning for pictures at the bima with Joey and the Torah. My mom again told me all the reasons why she couldn't possibly be there so early. I said, I know and I understand, but I had just wanted her to know that Colin's parents would be in pictures with us and Joey that she and my dad would miss. The next morning, my dad called to say they were on their way! Hmmm... Joey will luckily have pictures with both sets of grandparents!

Joey was still sick and feverish on Saturday morning... but he was a trooper! More advil to start the day... The morning pictures went very smoothly. Our photographer, Shiri at Focus Studios was amazing and professional and boom!boom!boom! got them done! Still waiting for the real pictures but these are the sneak peaks.

The services were amazing! Joey was wonderful! We were so proud! Despite being sick, running a fever and having a sore throat he was fabulous! Here is his D'var Torah:

My torah portion is Bereshit from the book of Breshit. My Torah portion starts in the very beginning of time when God created everything, including Adam and Eve. The story explains that Eve was tricked by the serpent into eating the forbidden fruit which she shared with Adam. After that, God drove Adam and Eve out of the garden of Eden and God explained that Eve will have to bear the pain of childbirth and Adam will have to work the soil to get food. Eve went on to have 2 sons, Cain and Abel. Cain was such a jealous brother that he in fact  killed Abel. God punished Cain by banishing him and making him a rootless wanderer who would never get food from the soil again. Cain went to the the land of Nomads.

Adam and Eve also had another son named Seth. After many  generations, people began to multiply across the world. Many divine beings began to marry human women. God said “I  will not be able to endure humans”. As a result, he decided to shrink  their lifespan to only 120 years long. God then began to notice that humans had become so evil that even God himself  thought about destroying the humans and all creatures living on the earth. The thing was, God did like one human named Noah, who happened to be the only remaining descendant of Seth.

I will be reading chapter 4 verses 1-6. As my section begins, Eve gives birth to Cain and Abel. Abel grows up to become a shepherd and Cain becomes a farmer. After some time, Cain decides to give some of his harvest to God. Abel then decides to to sacrifice his BEST lamb. God praised Abel and his sacrifice but  God did not praise Cain or his sacrifice! As a result, Cain became very angry. Later, in the fields, Cain murdered Abel. Soon after the murder of Abel, God punished Cain for the murder of his brother. Cain was cursed by God, so that he would never be able grow crops again, which was a big problem since his job was as a farmer.

Although there are multiple messages in this portion, I have chosen to focus on one main message that stands out to me which is that “you always have options when you make a decision. There are good choices and then there are not such good choices.” Although I know the difference between right and wrong, this portion has helped reiterate that I need to focus on making good choices in my future. I further understand that every bad decision that someone chooses to make has consequences. In addition, I understand that I can learn from my mistakes and also own up to them and be honest. As you can see, there is a lot that I have taken from this portion.

Although Cain did sacrifice some of his harvest, it was not his Best harvest. God is not happy with Cain’s sacrifice. Cain becomes jealous of his brother. God expresses his disappointment in Cain and warns him by saying “a sin is waiting at the door” which means that one shouldn't make bad choices. Despite this warning, Cain decides to murder his brother out of jealousy.God gives Cain a chance to be honest and own up to his actions but Cain lies to God. Consequently, Cain is punished once again.

This portion is relevant to modern day society too. Often if you do not make a good decision, you have a chance to make things better. Perhaps that means that you blamed someone for something you did. You have a choice to come clean and admit that you were wrong and then suffer the consequences for your original wrong-doings. Everyday we are faced with choices. Let’s be sure we all take that extra second to think about what we choose and do our best to make good choices. We all make mistakes, - that’s what makes us human. Just be sure that you are honest and admit when you are wrong and learn from your mistakes.

Joey wrote this on his own! He had help from his academic tutor, Holli, a little but the ideas are all his own. Smart boy! Colin's parents opened the Ark. My parents stood on the bima as the Torah was passed generation to generation to me, and I passed it to Joey. My aunts, Anna, Dora and Irena, undressed the Torah. My brother and his wife, Sasha and Susanna, read Totah blessings (my brother did the Hebrew reading with a Russian accent - because he has heard Hebrew and learned them from the Jewish Russian Rabbi at the Chabad Lubavitchers at the Jewish Russian Community Center). My cousin Susin, who I consider one of my closest friends could not come (with very good reason) so her husband Bryan did the blessing for the second Aliyah. My uncle Alex raised the Torah for the congregation. My cousins in attendance redressed the Torah. Colin and I read the Parents' Blessing for Joey.

The kiddush lunch was catered by BigAl's Catering and they did a great job! I was especially glad that my friend Fran came. We had gone to vet school together then worked together for 2 years after graduation. Joey ran around and sat with his friends and cousins. My dad said to me after that he loved the feeling of community at the services; how we were known and part of the group. he said it was clearly different from most of the one's he's been to where it was very clearly a question of paying the fees and using the facilities and staff. I was glad to hear that. We have been part of Temple Kol Ami for nearly 14 years - since we found out we were pregnant with Joey. Reform Judaism is very welcoming and warm... different from what my dad is familiar with. His comments on Joey's Bar Mitzvah made me remember his comments after Joey's Brit Milah: He had been upset that I was using a Mohelet who was also a physician and local anesthesia. Afterwards, with tears in his eyes, my dad came and thanked me for doing it this way - the other brits that he had seen the babies cried and screamed and where the mohels had "dug around in there" but ours was fast and Joey didn't even cry!

After the lunch we went home, but not before a trip to What-a-Bagel to get a SECOND challah. Our first was eaten by Molly, our 14 year old Labrador Retriever. We had left the challah in the middle of the table with coats on it last night while we went to dinner and Molly managed to engineer a scatter-and-eat mission. I guess I should not be terribly surprised! I am very grateful that the kids have grown up with Molly... that she is part of our family. When we were going to do family pictures (as part of this Bar Mitzvah photo-documentation) we were going to bring Molly. The kids expressed the desire not to... there was going to be sadness each time we looked at the picture on the wall and missed Molly. We ended up "forgetting" to take her with us to the Mill Pond for pictures.

We went home, relaxed a little... I read over my speech again. Made sure everything was where it was supposed to be and ready to take with us and had a shower to wash off all the make-up that I had put on that morning and to undo my hairdo! We were going to have Sandra the hair person I met at my cousin Michelle's wedding come to do my hair, as well as the girls. Colin and Joey were easy and perfect! I did my make-up aagin while the girls had their hair done. I didn't suggest or interfere. They had scanned Pinterest and found what they licked and with Sandra's help came up with hairstyles they both LOVED. I had NO IDEA of what to do... I had also looked at pictures but then told Sandra, I have short hair... do what you think is best and would suit me! She came up with something completely not me! I still haven't decided if I like it or not, but I got lots of compliments. Aside from the initial look in the bathroom mirror after she was done, I can't say that I spent time really looking at it. The hair and make-up took longer than expected and so we were late to the pictures. Here is another sneak peak at the immediate family. Meri is in the funniest position... she looks like she is about to launch into flight! How interesting that her personality is very like that - impetuous and in motion!

The party was at the Factory Lounge. It was an intersting environment - artsy and funky. Not my style but fresh and new and more importantly, intimate. Not a giant formal room with overdone walls, curtaina and chandeliers (although truth be told, I like that style more... that is the traditional in me that my mom raised).  

The pictures lasted for a while because my parents came after 7 for pictures that were supposed to be done at 5:45-6:15. But that is ok.... pictures got finished and the party started! 

We had SolePower d.j. Brandon and he was great! I left the music selection pretty much completely for him to organize. He asked me if we needed Russian music as those guests would like it... I said, No, because we don't like Russian music and it is our party! Yeay! A party without screaming loud music that i don't like!

The pary was great! It started with a Hora and Joey up on a chair... the other kids went up too but Meri SCREAMED AND SCREAMED!!!

The party was really, really great! I had "Joeytinis" that were made alcoholic by being half wine and gathered my liquid courage and made the speech I wrote together with Colin:

Let us start by saying thank you to all of you for coming. It means a lot to us that you came to celebrate this very important event in Joseph’s life with us. 

I want especially to say thank you to my sister in law Susanna and my cousin Susan whose advice, help and emotional support made planning this celebration much easier and hopefully more enjoyable for all of you.

We gather together to celebrate our son Joseph’s becoming a Bar Mitzvah. 

When Joey entered our lives we were very anxious to meet him. 

We had spent just under 9 months wondering what he would be like, thinking about what kind of parents we would be, picking out names, planing his imaginary future. 

When Joey was born there was some medical troubles: he was put on my tummy for a moment, blinked at me with his big eyes and was whisked away with Colin. In the moment we looked at him, Colin and I independently knew his name was Joseph. 

The name means to increase - 

Joey increased our family, 

increased our joy; took us from a couple to a family; 

he is the first grandchild for both of our parents. 

Joey’s middle name is Ivor which honours Colin’s paternal grandfather. He was a man who undertook many things in his life, living through much change and turmoil, and by all accounts was quite a character. 

Joey’s Hebrew name is Malki in honour of my maternal grandmother. She was a loving woman who made many sacrifices in her life for the good of her family as she knew that family is most important. 

We chose those names because we hoped that Joey could have the qualities those wonderful people showed throughout their lives. 

Joey has grown and developed into the young man that we were hoping he would be. 

Joey is smart, 

inquisitive and creative; 

he is compassionate and kind; 

he has a quirky sense of humor; 

he is helpful and responsible. 

He watches over and protects his sisters and others; 

he stands up against unfairness and injustice.  

We are very proud of who Joey is showing himself to be.

We wish for Joey to continue to grow and develop into a good young man. We wish him happiness, success in the future, and good health. 

We ask you all to raise a glass and toast with us. To Joseph Hughes!

During the party our shy Joey did two things that completely amazed us. Joey got up on stage and danced and hip-hoped and partied and handed out prizes! He was up there with his cousin Daniel much of the night! I was so happy to see him come out of his shell! 

Joey also surprised us in another way. I had handed a list of people to be honoured with candle lighting to Brandon the DJ. I completely expected him to just read names. But he handed the list of names to Joey and Joey thought of something to say about every person on the list!. Here is the list with what I could remember one week later:

Candles - Joey with: Enna and Colin Hughes - he thanked us! Emma and Meredith Hughes Elizabeth and William Hughes - invited his grandparents up because "they are awesome" Zinaida and Boris Dzedets Sasha and Susanna with Daniel and Mika - among other things, Because Daniel is "his favourite cousin" Anna and Alex Garber Susin Garber and Bryan Sloss, Shayna, Madi, Tori, Robbie Mastromatteo with little Max Irena and Mikhail Fourman, Jenya and Mihron Seyranian, Sonia, Aaron Jane and Larry Stickwood - although he doesn't see them often, he can never forget that they are part of his family. Dora and Peter Burstein Irena and Howard Domb, Kylie, Kaylan, Ethan and Marina and David Scheckman, Noah, Adam, Tali Jane and Doug Rollins all the kids together - friends and cousins

Neat the end of the party, our Candy Table came out:

As I said, Colin and I made it. We bought all the parts of it, we put it together at home, and we wrapped it in plastic... and the levels of the candies kept going down and down although everyone professed that they only took a few, Then Emma and Meri had green poop. For real! Not kidding! Then Meri had green pee! Well, it turns out that eating too much of food colour blue No.1 cause this! So we now knew who the candy culprits were!

Our wonderful Bar Mitzvah boy ended the evening happy and tired. 

We ended the day happy and proud! 

And that's they way it should be!